New Emotions

been thinking alot these days.
feeling quite empty recently.
it is rare that i feel like this.
and when i feel like this, my emotions get the better of me.




there are a few things and people that are very dear to me.
but these days i seem to be losing them.

perhaps i have been too busy with life to care for these little details.

how is it that the friendship that i once had was taken for so lightly and so for granted.
now it seems like a lot of effort is required on my side to make it work.
i wonder if we will ever respond the same way as before.
i use to take for granted that you will always pick up my call, listen to me, talk to me, be there for me, eat with me, laugh with me, do stupid things with me, entertain me .. and much more...

so yeah, guess its me..
must have been too numb to want to do anything more to maintain the friendship..
kinda miss the ol times..

another thing..
i used to be among a certain group of friends whom i did enjoy hanging out with.. and they are always listening to me.. (haha) and i feel i do have certain influence over them (not in a dominating way tho).. and after disappearing for awhile due to my busy schedule, it seems like things has changed.

like they say, out of sight.. out of mind..

so sometimes i feel like this empty person.
who seems to know all these familiar people that i see, and whom i once knew quite well, yet deep inside, i have no idea who they are NOW and its just not connecting you know.

it doesnt happen all the time with all my old friends.
but it happens often enough for a large group of people.

and thus, i am currently frustrated coz im not very well connected.
(like how Nicole gets frustrated when she cant get online... hahha)

so its like you know, the fact that you are losing your friends and influence and relationships with people.
either its me being too busy/ignorant/sensitive/possessive OR it is just them (yeAH!)..
OR.. the most diplomatic conclusion is that.. everyone is evolving, and changing.. so its not easy to keep up with the changes. even i myself am changing ...

we were all young and innocent.. and now we are all too busy learning the ropes in life and busy growing up.. so yeah.. guess its time to let go some stuffs and go build some stuffs..

all in the package of living in your mid twenties :)

hopefully will get a taste of some good ol times soon.
really missed it.



p/s: i slightly understand what it feels like to be possessive.. haha.. never felt like that before.. really. it is very weird..