i am loved.

first.
i have a cellgroup in teenz who loves me so much, they had an entry for me here:
http://fungreativegals.blogspot.com/


next.
i have a TNT Pelangi cellgroup who loves me so much, they did a video for me.
actually, it was Wei Ting's idea. i really i have to thank her and all those who chipped in to do the video.

very creative idea.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1IsUMiISnEA


Enjoy it, as much as i did.

twoseven

Life has its ups and downs.
Unexpected turn of events.
But it has to be colourfuL!

*

I am now 27.

*

Thank you for all the love that the people around me has shown me.
Those of you who cared and invested in me has given me new perspective and strength in viewing and dealing with issues in life.

A year older.
A year stronger.

Looking forward to a year of excitement in Him.

Happy Birthday To Me.
:]

it is complicated

somehow, it is indeed therapeautic to just be able to come to this space of mine, and write how i feel about things. i do feel bad that i come here only when i am not very happy with life, or when i do not know how else to express myself.

life can be so complicated that it is complicated OR so simple and still seem so complicated..
humans, especially woman, think too much..

There are so many things that I want to do and accomplish. so many dreams and unheard cries.
I am always listening to people. understanding people. But who actually listens to me?
and so what if they listen to me.. even i cant help myself in certain situations.
therefore, i have kinda given up in saying what really matters to me.

i am just very upset with everything in my life. the word contentment just does not apply to me now. i am edgy nearly everyday.. and i snap at anyone that upsets me.. and for all the smallest reason..

i wish im a little more independent.
and i can prove that i am no longer reliant on my parents.
that they do not need to worry or provide for me anymore.

that i can provide for myself and they would trust me to take care of things.

i miss the days when i was working in singapore.
renting my own room, earning my own money, doing my own part time tuition, signing up for courses that i like, saving money to buy what i want, bringing money home and buying nice things back, planning my own study schedule, entertainment schedule and stuffs like that.

i had the space to make mistakes. to learn how stupid and how smart i am. to discover myself.
to take time to groom myself.

im just very cramped up now..
there is no room for mistake. every mistake is magnified to its finest details.
i work better with encouragement.
negative reinforcements and fear does not work well with me.
i totally hate it.

hate. hate. hate.

its always about everyone, other people and everybody.
accomodating to everyone elses time.. and people are always interrupting my decision making. always giving suggestions and changing my plans. and i am a pushover. so i gave in. and gave in. and gave in.

to the point where im already sick and tired.
and therefore, anything would tick me off.

i know i would be fine in awhile.
but juggling between identities is not a fun thing.

maybe its just a mid 20s thing.
whatever la.

i just don like my life now.

better after entheos

ha.
im back.

funny how the speaker spoke about anger and it hit right deep into my soul.
good thing i managed to deal with it before it overwhelms me.

see, anger is not a sin.
but how we deal with anger is important.
so as for now..

im learning.
very important lesson.

good.
im happy.
very very happy.

*

i am eating durians already.
goodbhye to sorethroats and flus..

haha.
yay.

anger bug

i've been bitten by the anger bug.
angry angry angry.

im happy, but im angry.
how ironic is that.

blame it on the hormones or something.


argh!

can reality be better than dreams

was doing research on my friends wedding script and i stumbled upon this phrase:
"you know you are really in love when you cant sleep at night, because finally, reality is better than dreams.."

hhmm..

i dont really understand what it means.. not to mention agreeing to it.

*


perhaps i have too many things to do nowadays, and im easily irritated.
i just dont really like it when people keep changing their plans and therefore affect my plan for the day. anyone at all.

it just irritates the hell out of me.

i realised that i dont really like changes very much.
especially when things are pre planned and i have expectations.
if it doesnt deliver, i would just boil.

so dont tell me anything unless you are ready to do it.

im learning how to deal with disappointments.
events, people, work, emotions.

things just dont really turn out the way you expect them to be huh.
continue to read Secret of the Vine.
im learning from it.

im not really targetting at anyone.
so don get offended yeah.

my conclusion.
im not that sure that reality can be better than dreams.
cynical.

go to work happy

Recent Events

Spent a totally meaningful day with my mom for a good cause @ Grand Paragon.
We supported the Flora Extravaganza With Love Charity High Tea & Floral Exhibition and Show in aid of the JJ Lions Dialysis Centre.

The event was sponsored by Elle Hair Studio, Dawn Wedding and Vera Moda, together with Mudita Floral Friends and Mr. Harijanto (an Indonesian who picked up the Japanese art of floral arrangement).

It was a pretty interesting show with a few floral demonstrations and also witnessing creative creations of bags, hair accessories and props using plants and flowers.

I may pick up floral arrangement for self therapy... when im much older and if i have the extra time for leisure :)

haha. it is very calming to have beautiful flowers everywhere.

crave

a really good Fish and Chip would make my life a little better.

a really good mocha mudpie would make my life slightly better.

a good hug would be nice.

a vigorous swim would be good.

a sound sleep is what i really need.



i shall go sleep and look for the food tomorrow.
another day of indulgence for stella.

who cares?
i deserve it.

for all the emotional suffering i am going through right now...
a lot of self indulgence is good.

s l o w

i am irritated with people who work slowly.
people who cant decide fast enough, when the need is screaming out loud.
people who procrastinate.
people who waste other peoples time due to their incompetency.
people who are plainly wasting my time.
people who are not delivering the services i am paying for.
people who take forever to fill your cup.



there are some people that i just dont want to work with.

everything is getting on my nerves.
u find them at work, u find them at church, u find them at dining places, you find them everywhere.


i am short of patience.

getting IT out of my system

i need to blog today.

never have i felt the need to express, yet i can find no one to express to..
i have a few choices.. but i dont really feel like talking.
maybe except to God..

and i am having a headache, which is rare.


frustration is lurking and i am trying to manifest in a very subtle and controlled manner, which is not working very well.

and therefore i am mean and gloomy these days.
if im frowning, try not talking to me and dont cheer me up.


no one sought my opinion when they decided to change the policies.
no one informed me of the possible changes taking place.
no one discussed with me the change in roles n functions in the team.
i am in the position yet have NO SAY in whatever the decision is.

i am only to follow instructions and do things according to your way.
i see the possible problems and crisis and i will be the one shouldering it, yet it is not my decision in the first place to set the policy in place.
and my voice is not heard at all.
whenever i open my mouth, it will spark off an argument and things would get ugly.

why???? i don understand!
i am only stating my thoughts.
i dont want to quarrel.

is there no ground for a proper discussion??


i think it just reflects how terrible the management is.
i am utterly frustrated and angry right now.

how long will i be living in the shadow ...
i would either get too used to it.
or i would just get out of it..

i dont want to listen to any advice right now.
nothing will change.
i will just do what you want me to..

but i do hope that the higher powers will intervene accordingly.

i am so angry right now.





not happy.

tired

i had my nails done last night and it looks really pretty now.
i did my sauna with eevynn and had a very good japanese lunch @ Ajisai too.
i just have to spoil myself a little because i have been working too hard these days.

i was just thinking about it. i work 6 days a week, the only rest day i have is spent with the TEENz and Saturday night service. the rest of the non working hours are spent thinking about work and planning upcoming events.. and only sometimes, i try not to think about work at all.

and that is why, i feel that i really need to treat myself better.
i deserve it. ha.

am looking for more ways to spoil myself...
suggestion anyone?
heee....

discomfort

my stomach feels funny.
my eyes feel funny.
my throat feels funny.

my whole body feels wrong right now.
i wonder whats going on.

Tagged by Sue Ann

Directions: Once you've been tagged, you have to write a blog or a note on Facebook with sixteen random things, facts, habits or goals about you. At the end choose ten people to be tagged, listing their names and why you chose them. Don’t forget to leave them a comment ("You’re it!”) and to read your blog. You can’t tag the person who tagged you. Since you can’t tag me, let me know when you've posted your blog/note, so I can see your weirdness.


I've read the instructions from Sue's blog.
So now, here we go...

SIXTEEN RANDOM "FACTS" ABOUT ME.

1. I have always liked the smell of petrol and exhaust gas.. When i was younger, i will take a deep breath whenever my dad starts the engine (giving them stupid excuse why i will go in the car later.. after the engine has been started).. hehe.... I've stopped ever since i knew it was bad for my health.. lol
   
2. I USED to love chewing on my TOES.. till the age of 6. The skin seems to taste better there.. LOL
   
3. My motor skills are kinda underdeveloped. I cant balance / control stuffs properly (except the car). And that is why i never fancied computer games / ball games... i dont really like moving too much and that is due to fact no.4
   
4. I was a super inferior and introvert person due to my OVERweighted, OVERobesed and OVERflabby body ever since i was young... im way past that stage (of mind) now.. haaa...
   
5. I would like to be a TV Presenter / Host or just EMCEE for selected events. if theres a chance to be professional, i may go into it... depends :)
   
6. I do not have a favourite movie, song, artists.. in fact, i would jumble them up sometimes.. and i wonder why my brothers are so good at it
7. i like guys who's got good height and good skin. fair skin!!! arrghh!!! a lil tan is good too. hehe..
8. I like Maths, Science, Psychology and reading biographies of successful people / companies.
   
9. I like to take adventure and thrilling rides! Trying out new stuffs always excite me..
   
10. Except gadgets n all the techy stuffs.. I am like stoneage of the 21st century u know.. only use the basic functions of any good phones, pdas, laptops etc.. some people get really irritated about this... i am trying to change!
    
11. I attract girls / females. Somehow. i dont know why.. dont ask me why... haha... it just happens!!! lets see. i studied in a girls school. i work in a fully female environment. most of my customers are females. i lead a female cellgroup. i had more than one female expressing interest in me, i am single.. hhmmm.... wad went wrong.. haahahhahahahaha :P
    
12. I unconsciously touch / whack people when i am talking...and it gets more intense when im excited.. haha.. that is a really bad habit. im not 'touchy' or am i intentionally molesting a person, but it just happens.. maybe its my job u know.. always helpin people to ease their muscle aches.. or maybe im too 'warm' .. i dono. i just need to be extremely aware.. sometimes it does send the wrong message to the conservatives..
    
13. I am always attracted by the brains than the brawn...
    
14. I would like to see myself being more ladylike.. years of wearing shorts under the pinafore with thousand of girls has left me oblivious to my sitting n standing 'style' haha... i should practice wearing more skirt.. haha.. (just kidding)
    
15. I want to have my own car.. badly. I am tired of sharing cars and driving our problematic cars although it has served our family well.
    
16. I want to continue studying... but i am not too sure what yet.. haha..
    

OKAY. I AM DONE!!!!
YAY!!!!!


And now, the 10 human beings I wanna tag and why.
(im skipping this part.. haha.. i don really wanna tag anyone... haha.. )

a.n.t.i a.g.i.n.g

i Have been busy busy busy indulging in work these days and have not looked at myself properly at the mirror for quite awhile.

and when i took time to study myself in the mirror....i am seeing the effect of aging! *GASP*

i am extremely determined to start my anti aging campaign very soon.
i don't want to grow old, flabby and wrinkly.. not so soon!!!

wish me all the best.
i am getting vain, which is a good sign to my 'bo chap' attitude for the past 25 years... haha..

will reveal my secret anti aging program once i am seriously in it yeah.. haha..

Get-a-way

Rawa Island - 20mins boat ride from Mersing, Johor.
A fine island with soft sands, clean beach, lots of hammocks and beautiful sceneries.

It is rather pricey, but its definitely worth the money.

Sunset...

The trip was great because we had great company.

From left: Desmond, Victor, Vincent, Ee Vynn, Stella & Yan.

Jun Xiang was the photographer..

Highlight of the trip:

a) Star gazing (we caught a few shooting stars)

b) Skinny Dip (except with clothes on.. haaha)

I did this for the very first time. Very liberating experience. haha.

c) Crab catching at night

d) Hill climbing

e) Kite Flying

View from the hilltop. It is a wonder what nature can do to a person.

I would say this is a good trip coz we all had good fun, good food, good fellowship and most of all, a good time to do alot of thinking, planning and self reflection. I personally spent quite abit of time on the hammock and handing my life once again into His hands.

Happy MOO Year

Home cooked dinner for the Lunar New Year.
Mom learned some awesome recipe for the ribs and prawns.
Awesome!

1st Lunch in the Year of Ox @ Man Han Chuan Xi.
The new restaurant @ Pelangi Golf Range.

Not too packed with people.. Am pleased with the food and service.
:)


My dad's skin is really quite good. Good Morning Collagen seems to have quite an effect on his skin elasticity. haha..

Anne thinks im vain. I think i got it from my dad.. haha.

Mom, Wang Wang & I.
This doggy aint feeling well recently.. must be eating too much! haha.

We kept taking pictures with the flowers coz my mom loves them and is very proud of them.
I really have to appreciate her for all the effort to doll up the house and make sure everything looks and feel very Chinese New Year.

She does it every year.. without fail.
I guess next year, it would be our turn to help her ease the burden abit :)
And learn to keep the traditions alive.

I am proud to be a Chinese.

Blessed Chinese New Year!!!
May all your Dreams come true and enjoy your fellowship with family and friends!